June Daring Bakers: Pavlovas with Chocolate Mascarpone Mousse

Yeah. I forgot to take a final picture until I was almost finished eating. Again. You get the idea-
Delicious, messy, gooey, deliciousness so good, you can't even wait to put it on a plate.

The June 2010 Daring Bakers’ challenge was hosted by Dawn of Doable and Delicious. Dawn challenged the Daring Bakers’ to make Chocolate Pavlovas and Chocolate Mascarpone Mousse. The challenge recipe is based on a recipe from the book Chocolate Epiphany by Francois Payard.

I'm not one of those picky eaters who restricts themselves to the baked chicken on the menu and breaks into a sweat at the thought of sushi or curry. But I do have a weirdness about chocolate. Don't get me wrong, there are times when nothing will do but a good chocolate bar; but I've never been one for desserts that have "chocolate" mentioned more than once in the title or heavily chocolate things like flourless chocolate cake and chocolate ganache fillings. There has to be a balance. I want a glass of milk just thinking about it. Another thing that makes me nervous are meringues. I've never met a meringue I like. They always have this weird sort of fake flavor and a chalky texture and do nothing to make you feel satisfied for giving yourself that crazy insulin spike. So the idea of making a giant chocolate meringue with chocolate mousse made think twice about the challenge. But two things made me stick with it:

1. Upon doing some research pavlovas a whole 'nother animal from meringues. While they are the same ingredients and set up, the pavlova is bigger and thicker; it's not as cooked through, giving you a delicate sort of crust filled with sugary marshmallowy goodness.
2. I could omit the chocolate from pavlova part.

Want to work those biceps? Make a pavlova! And then ruin it all by eating said pavlova.

And on the most humid day of this summer so far, I decided to give it a try. The pavlova itself turned out beautifully. The creme anglaise was so good, I could eat it with a spoon by itself like soup. And there was enough of it to do so. The mousse was... alright. Still a little too chocolatey and acidic for my tastes and I had to scale way back on it to keep some sort of sweet/rich balance. Maybe it would have gone better with a lighter chocolate? I'm tempted to try this again but with a Strawberry coulis or some sort of fruit sauce with the same creme anglaise.

My partner in destroying this dessert was my boyfriend, again. He pretty much ate the whole thing in the time it took for me to put away the mixer. I guess he liked it.
The recipe is below and my tweaks are in italics. There was a whole ton of creme anglaise left over from this. If you're more proficient in math than I, you might want to cut it down. If you're not and you're still on a meringue high, try making Floating Islands- the Ina Garten way or the Julia Child/Wolfgang Puck way if you're feeling sassy.

Recipe 1: Chocolate Meringue (for the chocolate Pavlova):
3 large egg whites
½ cup plus 1 tbsp (110 grams) white granulated sugar
¼ cup (30 grams) confectioner’s (icing) sugar
1/3 cup (30 grams) Dutch processed cocoa powder
I omitted the cocoa and doubled the sugar and added an egg white

Directions:
1. Place a rack in the center of the oven and preheat to 200º F (95º C) degrees. Line two baking sheets with silpat or parchment and set aside.
2. Put the egg whites in a bowl and whip until soft peaks form. Increase speed to high and gradually add granulated sugar about 1 tbsp at a time until stiff peaks form. (The whites should be firm but moist.)
3. Sift the confectioner’s sugar and cocoa powder over the egg whites and fold the dry ingredients into the white. (This looks like it will not happen. Fold gently and it will eventually come together.)
4. Fill a pastry bag with the meringue. Pipe the meringue into whatever shapes you desire. Alternatively, you could just free form your shapes and level them a bit with the back of a spoon. (Class made rounds, hearts, diamonds and an attempt at a clover was made!)
5. Bake for 2-3 hours until the meringues become dry and crisp. Cool and store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.
I made one giant pavlova to capitalize on the marshmallow insides. Also, a tip I found on the internet- Let the pavlova cool in the oven. Turn the heat off and crack open the door. This will keep the pavlova from cracking or collapsing.

Recipe 2: Chocolate Mascarpone Mousse (for the top of the Pavlova base):
1 ½ cups (355 mls) heavy cream (cream with a milk fat content of between 36 and 40 percent)
grated zest of 1 average sized lemon
9 ounces (255 grams) 72% chocolate, chopped
1 2/3 cups (390 mls) mascarpone
pinch of nutmeg
2 tbsp (30 mls) Grand Marnier (or orange juice)

Directions:
1.Put ½ cup (120 mls) of the heavy cream and the lemon zest in a saucepan over medium high heat. Once warm, add the chocolate and whisk until melted and smooth. Transfer the mixture to a bowl and let sit at room temperature until cool.
2. Place the mascarpone, the remaining cup of cream and nutmeg in a bowl. Whip on low for a minute until the mascarpone is loose. Add the Grand Marnier and whip on medium speed until it holds soft peaks. (DO NOT OVERBEAT AS THE MASCARPONE WILL BREAK.)
3. Mix about ¼ of the mascarpone mixture into the chocolate to lighten. Fold in the remaining mascarpone until well incorporated. Fill a pastry bag with the mousse. Again, you could just free form mousse on top of the pavlova.

Recipe 3: Mascarpone Cream (for drizzling):
1 recipe crème anglaise
½ cup (120 mls) mascarpone
2 tbsp (30 mls) Sambucca (optional)
½ cup (120 mls) heavy cream

Directions:
1. Prepare the crème anglaise. Slowly whisk in the mascarpone and the Sambucca and let the mixture cool. Put the cream in a bowl and beat with electric mixer until very soft peaks are formed. Fold the cream into the mascarpone mixture.

Recipe 4: Crème Anglaise (a component of the Mascarpone Cream above):
1 cup (235 mls) whole milk
1 cup (235 mls) heavy cream
1 vanilla bean, split or 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
6 large egg yolks
6 tbsp (75 grams) sugar

Directions:
1. In a bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and sugar until the mixture turns pale yellow.
2. Combine the milk, cream and vanilla in a saucepan over medium high heat, bringing the mixture to a boil. Take off the heat. .
3. Pour about ½ cup of the hot liquid into the yolk mixture, whisking constantly to keep from making scrambled eggs. Pour the yolk mixture into the pan with the remaining cream mixture and put the heat back on medium. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon until the mixture thickens enough to lightly coat the back of a wooden spoon. DO NOT OVERCOOK.
4. Remove the mixture from the heat and strain it through a fine mesh sieve into a bowl. Cover and refrigerate until the mixture is thoroughly chilled, about 2 hours or overnight.

Assembly:
Pipe the mousse onto the pavlovas and drizzle with the mascarpone cream over the top. Dust with confectioner’s sugar and fresh fruit if desired.

Daring Cooks June: Pâté and Bread

My photography skills are slowly starting to get better, but I need to learn to actually remember to take pictures of the food once it's done as opposed to pics of half eaten food with debris like the lighter for the pilot light and and note taking pen in the picture.. And maybe make sure to give hungry boyfriends a snack so they can wait half a second while I take the picture. When things settle a little bit for me, I think I'll look into a photography class at the local community college. Photography is one of those things I've always wanted to be good at, but didn't quite know how.

Anyway, our hostesses this month, Evelyne of Cheap Ethnic Eatz, and Valerie of a The Chocolate Bunny, chose delicious pate with freshly baked bread as their June Daring Cook’s challenge! They’ve provided us with 4 different pate recipes to choose from and are allowing us to go wild with our homemade bread choice.


Usually when I think of pâté, I think of pasty looking things made from parts of the animal that people usually don't like to eat without masking with other, more delicious, flavors. It is for this reason never tried it. This time, feeling I've already met my quota of cooking with icky things (also combined with a severely thin wallet this month) I have forgone cooking with parts of the animal I'd rather leave on the butcher table and went with a Trout and Shrimp Pâté. I didn't have any trout on hand, so I went with salmon. This was unbelievably easy to make. And it was so so good.



For the bread, I went with the classic No Knead Bread recipe from the NY Times. It was the first time I've ever made yeasted bread from scratch and wanted to ease myself into it. This was also so easy and delicious that I honestly don't feel the need to go bigger.

Two regrets- The recipe didn't really call for any spices or herbs other than the usual salt and pepper. I want to make this again, but punch it up with some dill or Old Bay. The other is that I used the jumbo shrimp on hand and didn't think to chop them up a little. Oh well. This is definitely a great idea for a party or just something to have on hand for a quick protein fix with your salad.

Trout (or Salmon) and Shrimp Pâté
Yields one 6x3 inch (15x7,5 cm) terrine or loaf pan

1 tbsp / 15 ml butter
1/4 lb / 4 oz / 120g medium raw shrimp, deveined, shelled and tailed (about 12 medium shrimp)
1/8 cup / 30ml Grand Marnier (or cognac, or another strong liqueur of your choice) (optional- I omitted this since I didn't have any on hand.)
1/2 lb / 8 oz / 240g trout filet, skinned and cut into thick chunks
1/4 lb / 4 oz / 110g raw shrimp, deveined, shelled and tailed (any size)
3/4 cup / 180ml heavy cream
Salt, to taste
Green peppercorn, coarsely ground, to taste
Chives, for garnish

Preheat oven to 375ºF (190ºC).

In a heavy, flameproof frying pan, melt the butter over medium-high heat. Sauté the 1/4 pound of medium shrimp, stirring often, until pink and cooked through. Remove the pan from heat. (NOTE: These shrimp will be used to form layers within your pâté. If you feel they are too thick – like the ones in the photograph, you might want to slice them in half lengthwise.)

Pour the Grand Marnier over the cooked shrimp. Light a match and carefully ignite the alcohol, to flambé the shrimp. Wait for the flames to go out on their own, carefully tilting the pan to ensure even flavoring. Set aside.

Put the trout and the remaining raw shrimp in a food processor and pulse. Gradually pour in the cream and keep pulsing until you obtain a smooth mixture that is easy to spread, but not too liquid (you may not need to use all the cream). Season with salt and green pepper.

Butter a 6x3 inch (15x7,5 cm) loaf pan or terrine, then line it with parchment paper. Spoon in half the trout mixture, and spread it evenly. Place the flambéed shrimp on top, in an even layer, reserving 3 or 4 shrimp for decorating. Top with the remaining trout mixture.

Prepare a water bath: place the loaf pan in a larger, deep ovenproof dish (such as a brownie pan or a baking dish). Bring some water to a simmer and carefully pour it in the larger dish. The water should reach approximately halfway up the loaf pan.

Put the water bath and terrine in the oven, and bake for 35 minutes. The pâté should be cooked through and firm in the center.

Remove the pan from the water bath and let cool. Carefully unmold onto a serving platter. Decorate with the reserved shrimp, and sprinkle with chopped chives. Cut into thick slices and serve at room temperature, with crusty bread.

No-Knead Bread
Adapted from Jim Lahey, Sullivan Street Bakery
Taken from NY Times

Time: About 1½ hours plus 14 to 20 hours’ rising

3 cups all-purpose or bread flour, more for dusting
¼ teaspoon instant yeast
1¼ teaspoons salt
Cornmeal or wheat bran as needed.

1. In a large bowl combine flour, yeast and salt. Add 1 5/8 cups water, and stir until blended; dough will be shaggy and sticky. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rest at least 12 hours, preferably about 18, at warm room temperature, about 70 degrees.

2. Dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles. Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.

3. Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or to your fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel (not terry cloth) with flour, wheat bran or cornmeal; put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour, bran or cornmeal. Cover with another cotton towel and let rise for about 2 hours. When it is ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.

4. At least a half-hour before dough is ready, heat oven to 450 degrees. Put a 6- to 8-quart heavy covered pot (cast iron, enamel, Pyrex or ceramic) in oven as it heats. When dough is ready, carefully remove pot from oven. Slide your hand under towel and turn dough over into pot, seam side up; it may look like a mess, but that is O.K. Shake pan once or twice if dough is unevenly distributed; it will straighten out as it bakes. Cover with lid and bake 30 minutes, then remove lid and bake another 15 to 30 minutes, until loaf is beautifully browned. Cool on a rack.

Yield: One 1½-pound loaf.

I actually made something that looks pretty!!!!

Not that you can really tell with my awful food photography skills and my cell phone camera. It was one of those months where I had to choose between a new camera and new tires for my car. I actually thought about it before making the responsible decision. It's good to know turning 30 has really changed me.

The May 2010 Daring Bakers’ challenge was hosted by Cat of Little Miss Cupcake. Cat challenged everyone to make a piece montée, or croquembouche, based on recipes from Peter Kump’s Baking School in Manhattan and Nick Malgieri.

I was really nervous when I first read this challenge. While it isn't technically difficult and it doesn't involve cooking with organ fat, this requires a bit of aesthetic finesse. Basically, piece montée is a mountain of cream puffs. While it is edible, it is traditionally a decorative piece. If you couldn't tell by my previous post, decorative is not my game. I'm usually very good at making things taste good, but I lack that inner Martha where everything just looks like art.

Also, the piece montée is a traditional wedding or celebration dessert. And since I was hardly going to sit around and devour a mountain of cream puffs while watching the LOST series finale (that's a lie- I totally would), I suggested making it for my friend, Ootoberfest's, rehearsal dinner.

This was my first time making pâte à choux- an almost flavorless pastry dough that needs to be cooked before it's baked. Making this gives you an awesome arm workout, since you have to add the egg to the hot flour and butter mix and stir fast to keep the eggs from cooking. This dough is used for eclairs, beignets, and profiteroles as well. Not terribly difficult to do, but it does require constant attention. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures of these early stages because of that.

Then there's the pastry cream- delicious, messy, pudding-like pastry cream. I went with a variety of vanilla, chocolate and coffee creams. Again, not difficult, but requires a lot attention.



And, finally, the assembly. I had several obstacles with accomplishing this, not the least of which was the massive sugar rush from "taste testing" the pastry creams. First, the traditional croqembouche (translates to "crunch in the mouth") is held together solely with a hard caramelized sugar as glue. But, thanks to the bride's half-hourly weather updates for the weekend, I knew it would be way too hot and humid for the caramel to stay hard. So I went with the alternative of some high quality chocolate from this tiny local candy shop. It was the first dark chocolate that I've eaten and actually enjoyed. Also, this puppy had to travel along I-95 into South Philly on a hot Friday afternoon in an unair-conditioned car and the Phillies were playing. So I took some shortcuts. I used a Styrofoam cone from the craft store, covered it with aluminum foil, and stuck the puffs on with toothpicks. It also allowed me some range for decoration with the strawberries.

So, despite a some chocolate spatterings on the inside of my car and the fact that wine was placed in my hand the second I put the croquembouche down, causing me to forget to take a completed picture until the thing was half devoured, I feel I can call this a success. Not a single complaint.

Would I make this again? Sure, if an occasion called for it. I liked creating a dessert for a party where you don't have to worry about balancing the plate and the drink while using a fork. Also, the small puffs made it more likely for people to eat without feeling too too guilty.When splitting the stages between days, it's really not that time consuming; but this isn't exactly something I would just bring over to a friend's house on a whim.

And so without further ado, the recipe:

You will need approximately 10 minutes to prepare the puff pastry, 10 minutes to pipe and about 30 minutes to bake each batch. The crème patissiere should take about 10 minutes to cook and then will need to be cooled for at least 6 hours or overnight. The glazes take about 10 minutes to prepare.

Equipment required:
• several baking sheets
• parchment paper
• a whisk
• a pastry brush (for the egg wash)
• a pastry bag and tip (a plain tip or no tip is best for piping the puff pastry; you can use a plain or star tip to fill the puff pastry with the cream)
• a flat surface such as a baking sheet or cake board/stand on which to assemble your piece montée
• some of the items you may want to use to decorate your piece montée include ribbons, Jordan almonds, fresh flowers, sugar cookie cut-outs, chocolates, etc.

Ingredients:

For the Vanilla Crème Patissiere (Half Batch)
1 cup (225 ml.) whole milk
2 Tbsp. cornstarch
6 Tbsp. (100 g.) sugar
1 large egg
2 large egg yolks
2 Tbsp. (30 g.) unsalted butter
1 Tsp. Vanilla

Dissolve cornstarch in ¼ cup of milk. Combine the remaining milk with the sugar in a saucepan; bring to boil; remove from heat.

Beat the whole egg, then the yolks into the cornstarch mixture. Pour 1/3 of boiling milk into the egg mixture, whisking constantly so that the eggs do not begin to cook.

Return the remaining milk to boil. Pour in the hot egg mixture in a stream, continuing whisking.

Continue whisking (this is important – you do not want the eggs to solidify/cook) until the cream thickens and comes to a boil. Remove from heat and beat in the butter and vanilla.

Pour cream into a stainless steel/ceramic bowl (this allows it to cool faster- kinda like how cans of beer cool faster than bottles.) Press plastic wrap firmly against the surface. Chill immediately and until ready to use.

For Chocolate Pastry Cream (Half Batch Recipe):
Bring ¼ cup (about 50 cl.) milk to a boil in a small pan; remove from heat and add in 3 ounces (about 80 g.) semisweet chocolate, finely chopped, and mix until smooth. Whisk into pastry cream when you add the butter and vanilla.

For Coffee Pastry Cream (Half Batch recipe)
Dissolve 1 ½ teaspoons instant espresso powder in 1 ½ teaspoons boiling water. Whisk into pastry cream with butter and vanilla.

Pate a Choux (Yield: About 28)
¾ cup (175 ml.) water
6 Tbsp. (85 g.) unsalted butter
¼ Tsp. salt
1 Tbsp. sugar
1 cup (125 g.) all-purpose flour
4 large eggs

For Egg Wash: 1 egg and pinch of salt (I totally forgot this part. While my puffs don't have the pretty glossy and brown color that others do, it doesn't affect the flavor at all. In fact, once dipped in chocolate, I completely forgot I was mad at myself for forgetting this.)

Pre-heat oven to 425◦F/220◦C degrees. Line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

Preparing batter:
Combine water, butter, salt and sugar in a saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a boil and stir occasionally. At boil, remove from heat and sift in the flour, stirring to combine completely.

Return to heat and cook, stirring constantly until the batter dries slightly and begins to pull away from the sides of the pan.

Transfer to a bowl and stir with a wooden spoon 1 minute to cool slightly.

Add 1 egg. The batter will appear loose and shiny.

As you stir, the batter will become dry-looking like lightly buttered mashed potatoes.

It is at this point that you will add in the next egg. Repeat until you have incorporated all the eggs. DO NOT ADD ALL THE EGGS AT ONCE. I know it seems time consuming, but it'll make your dough too wet and it won't puff up right when baked. It'll also cook the eggs.

Piping:
Transfer batter to a pastry bag fitted with a large open tip (I piped directly from the bag opening without a tip). Pipe choux about 1 inch-part in the baking sheets. Choux should be about 1 inch high about 1 inch wide.

Using a clean finger dipped in hot water, gently press down on any tips that have formed on the top of choux when piping. You want them to retain their ball shape, but be smoothly curved on top.

Brush tops with egg wash (1 egg lightly beaten with pinch of salt).

Baking:
Bake the choux at 425◦F/220◦C degrees until well-puffed and turning lightly golden in color, about 10 minutes.

Lower the temperature to 350◦F/180◦C degrees and continue baking until well-colored and dry, about 20 minutes more. Remove to a rack and cool.

Can be stored in a airtight box overnight.

Filling:
When you are ready to assemble your piece montée, using a plain pastry tip, pierce the bottom of each choux. Fill the choux with pastry cream using either the same tip or a star tip, and place on a paper-lined sheet. Choux can be refrigerated briefly at this point while you make your glaze.

Use one of these to top your choux and assemble your piece montée.

Chocolate Glaze:
8 ounces/200 g. finely chopped chocolate (use the finest quality you can afford as the taste will be quite pronounced; I used dark chocolate from a local candy shop)

Melt chocolate in microwave or double boiler. Stir at regular intervals to avoid burning. Use the best quality chocolate you can afford. Use immediately.

Hard Caramel Glaze:
1 cup (225 g.) sugar
½ teaspoon lemon juice

Combine sugar and lemon juice in a saucepan with a metal kitchen spoon stirring until the sugar resembles wet sand. Place on medium heat; heat without stirring until sugar starts to melt around the sides of the pan and the center begins to smoke. Begin to stir sugar. Continue heating, stirring occasionally until the sugar is a clear, amber color. Remove from heat immediately; place bottom of pan in ice water to stop the cooking. Use immediately.

Assembly of your Piece Montée:
You may want to lay out your unfilled, unglazed choux in a practice design to get a feel for how to assemble the final dessert. For example, if making a conical shape, trace a circle (no bigger than 8 inches) on a piece of parchment to use as a pattern. Then take some of the larger choux and assemble them in the circle for the bottom layer. Practice seeing which pieces fit together best.

Once you are ready to assemble your piece montée, dip the top of each choux in your glaze (careful it may be still hot!), and start assembling on your cake board/plate/sheet. Continue dipping and adding choux in levels using the glaze to hold them together as you build up. (You may want to use toothpicks to hold them in place – see video #4 below).

When you have finished the design of your piece montée, you may drizzle with remaining glaze or use ribbons, sugar cookie cut-outs, almonds, flowers, etc. to decorate (I used strawberries, which complimented the chocolate well.)

Have fun and enjoy! Bon appétit!

I'm Back and I'm Daring!

Hey! Remember me?

Sooo yeah, I suck at updating. I actually have about 5 unfinished posts on my dashboard thingie, so hopefully I'll get to them soon. Also, I found a way to ensure blogging at least twice a month- I became a Daring Cook/Baker. It's this monthly challenge I found out about from Jill Coste where you bake or cook a complex recipe. I figure it'll not only get me to blog at least twice a month, it'll also help me with this rut I've been in where I feel like I can't have fun cooking when I eat healthy. I love complex, tedious recipes. Wilted spinach and grilled chicken is not complex. Nor is it exciting. Don't worry, though, I'm not becoming a food blog. My thought is, by making a deal with myself to stick to the splurges in the challenge only, I can feel less like I'm punishing myself the rest of the month. Does that make sense to anyone else? Do you think it'll work? We'll see.

The April 2010 Daring Bakers’ challenge was hosted by Esther of The Lilac Kitchen. She challenged everyone to make a traditional British pudding using, if possible, a very traditional British ingredient: suet. WARNING: Crappy cell phone pictures ahead!

This challenge raised a couple questions for me. So here's what I learned:

1. What is a pudding?

Ok, this is a question I've always had. I remember reading about Treacle and Christmas Puddings and Jam Roly-Polys being devoured by the greedy antagonistic children in gothic novels. However, when I was in England, my diet mainly consisted of crumpets slathered with clotted cream and jam, Bangers and Mash, Shepard's Pie, and Cadbury Crunchies. I remember hearing jokes about something called "Spotted Dick" but never got up the courage to try it. After being given my challenge, I learned that a pudding is a dessert. It can be prepared two ways- either as something similar to cake or similar to pie- but there are a few differences:

• It is prepared in a bowl, rather than a pan or plate
• It is steamed rather than baked
• Instead of butter it requires suet- the fat found around the kidneys of a cow or sheep

That's right y'all. Organ fat. Which leads me to:

2. Why suet?

I'll admit I had some difficulty coming to terms with this aspect of the challenge. I love my butter. I had the option to use substitutes if necessary, but I wanted to be a good Daring Baker. I didn't want to wuss out on the first try. So I psyched myself up. I mean, I've eaten prairie oysters before, so this can't be that bad, can it? Then, after thinking about it for a while, it did kind of make sense in an historical aspect. Suet has a higher melting point and longer shelf life than butter. It's also completely flavorless and uses more of the animal.

So I went to the butcher who gave me some suet for free (!) and I set to making this challenge. We were given free range as to what kind of pudding to make, but the sticky caramel freak in me was drawn to Sticky Toffee Pudding. This challenge also gave me the opportunity to play with a recipe- I'm always a stickler for recipes, so this got me out of my shell, so to speak, and tweak. I used the basic recipe provided by Esther and adapted a sauce recipe from the gay boyfriend of my dreams, David Lebovitz.

The process of making the pudding was awesomely simple. It took about 15 minutes total to prep and, while it was steaming, I was able to de-pet hair all my furniture; do 3 loads of laundry; AND put together an Ikea bookshelf. The hardest part, actually, was converting the measurements. Math was never this English major's strong suit.

As for how it tasted? It was... good. I think if I had added some sort of spicy or salty aspect to the pudding it would have been fantastic. Somehow it just didn't have any flavor while tasting amazingly sweet. It had the texture of bread pudding. While I didn't have any issue or taste a trace of suet in the pudding, I think it could have benefitted with the flavor of butter, or something that wasn't obnoxiously sugary. Which is totally on me deciding to hack and adapt instead of following a recipe.

I had my boyfriend, J, be my impartial taster. He thought it was interesting, but kept freaking out that he was biting into animal fat. Baby.

Would I make it again? Sure. I might make it with butter to ease the minds of whoever else was eating it, and I might go with a more dynamic recipe, but I do like the texture that results from steaming and it's just so easy. So, without further ado:

Sticky Toffee Pudding
Adapted from Esther of The Lilac Kitchen
and David Lebovitz

Equipment required:
• 2 pint (1 litre) pudding bowl or steam-able containers to contain a similar amount they should be higher rather than wide and low (I used my smallest pyrex mixing bowl)
• Steamer or large pan, ideally with a steaming stand, upturned plate or crumpled up piece of kitchen foil (I overturned a cereal bowl in my stock pot)
• Mixing bowl
• Spoon
• Measuring cups or scales
• Foil or grease proof paper to cover the bowl
• String

Ingredients
For the sponge pudding
(100 grams/4 ounces) All-purpose flour
(1/4 teaspoon) salt
(1.5 teaspoons) Baking powder
(100 grams/4 ounces) breadcrumbs
(75 grams/3 ounces) Caster sugar
(75 grams/ 3 ounces) Shredded suet or suet substitute (i.e., Vegetable Suet, Crisco, Lard)
(1) large egg
(6 to 8 tablespoons) Cold milk
6 oz dates, chopped and steamed

For the sauce
2 cups (500ml) heavy cream
1/2 cup (120g) demerara or muscovado sugar (it's the same as sugar in the raw)
2 1/2 tablespoons golden syrup or molasses
pinch of salt

1. Make the toffee sauce by bringing the cream, demerara or turbinado sugar, golden syrup (or molasses) and salt to a boil in a medium saucepan, stirring often to melt the sugar.
2. Lower heat and simmer, stirring constantly for about 5 minutes, until the mixture is thick and coats the spoon. Pour half the sauce into the prepared soufflé mold, and reserve the other half for serving.
3. Sift flour, salt and baking powder into a large bowl.
4. Add breadcrumbs, sugar and suet.
5. Mix to a soft batter with beaten egg and milk
6. Mix in the dates.
   
7. Turn into a buttered 1 litre/ 2pint pudding basin and cover securely with buttered greaseproof paper or aluminum foil. Tie string around the bowl, leaving a handle for lifting out of the pan.
   
8. Steam steadily for 3 to 4 hours
9. Turn out onto warm plate, Serve with the reamaining toffee sauce.

I've been workin' on my fitness

I've never been athletic in the slightest bit. My parents signed me up for peewee soccer when I was young to make me more social. I was so bad, they made up a position just for me- I had to make sure the ball from the other game going on didn't cross over to our game. After my mom saw me take a ball to the face, she let me quit. I did ok in swim lessons in that I never had to be resuscitated and I was pretty far behind the rest of my ice skating class- the instructor had me just skate around by myself without holding on to the wall. I was always slower and more uncoordinated. And that was ok with me. Between gym class bullies and my own neuroses and self confidence issues, I was able to find other outlets like reading and theatre. Unfortunately, lack of movement + poor diet= not good.

So after years of half assed attempts at places like Curves and Bally's, crash diets that lasted about 2 weeks, thinking "I went to the gym today, so I deserve a treat!" and basically just putting myself last, I decided to make some permanent changes. I wanted something extreme- like krav maga or jiu jitsu. This was also around the same time I discovered old school MMA fights on dvd. So it was pretty cool when this girl at work was talking about a kickboxing class that was a great workout and about 5 minutes from where I work! I was so excited about getting to kick some ass. But when I showed up, there was no punching. I didn't get to learn upper cuts or roundhouse kicks- not even with a punching bag. I put on a pair of boxing gloves that smelled bad and did your average aerobics class. Super let down. I asked the owner if there were any other classes I could do and he said, "There's some kind of strength training class that meets in the basement. The first class is free if you want to check it out." I read about how strength training is a vital part of any fitness routine, so I figured I'd check it out.

I showed up and the guy in charge that day looked at me pretty nervously. I said I was there for the strength training class and he then he looked a little annoyed. He corrected that this was something called "Crossfit" in a superior way. He was friendly, though. He explained the warmup to me (which was more of a workout than anything I'd done in years) and then I did a super scaled down version of the workout of the day (WOD.) It was the hardest thing ever. There were weights and pullups and pushups. I couldn't even squat all the way down. They told me to make sure to walk around the next day because I will be sore. And I was sore. I couldn't even get out of my bed until 2pm the next day. I knew I had to walk, so I went to the mall near me so I could move around while stayin indoors. I did some sort of granny shuffle because that's all my legs could handle. My boyfriend at the time thought I was going to give up because of all the pain I was in. But I was resolved. I did the wod. And, even though it was scaled down so much compared to the others, I didn't feel like I sucked. In fact, I felt that bad ass feeling I wanted so much.

I researched the Crossfit thing and found a lot of info. It promoted elite fitness- it sounded very technical and used phrases like "modal domains" but the idea was to promote a more general idea of fitness. It points out that people who focus so much on marathons aren't really fit because they're not necessarily strong. And weightlifters aren't neccessarily fit because they can't run. It promotes functionality over vanity- how often in real life do you take a heavy object from your side to your shoulder, just to put it down? What they were saying made sense in a way, but I don't think I really got the point just yet. All I could pick up on were that there are a lot of different workout combinations and they were all named after women or men that died while serving. One particular WOD, "Fran," seemed to strike fear into the biggest guy while only lasting about 5 minutes, while others, like "Murph," seemed to be big mental challenges as well as physical.

Once I could actually move my legs, I went back again. And again. And it became a habit. The soreness lessened each morning after, but I could still feel it. I still couldn't do a single movement quite the right way like everyone else, but never once was I discouraged. I used weights in the form of barbells with bumpers or dumbells or kettlebells. There are no elliptical machines or spin classes here. The only digital age equipment were a rower and the stopwatch. When we ran it was in the parking lot around the shopping center past the dumpster for a chinese restaurant and a dirty mattress. I felt like a misfit. It was kind of gross and makeshift and the ceiling was so low that we couldn't really jump rope or do a lot of overhead lifting and it was a little more expensive than the Bally's, but I didn't care. This was the most awesome thing ever. And I was improving quicker than I could've imagined. I started getting lower on my squats, could start doing pullups (with a band) and I could add more weight to my barbell. I could do cleans and push jerks. My body comp was changing and I was dropping clothes sizes faster than I can afford. My boyfriend hated it. It took time away from him, and I think he felt threatened that other guys started noticing me. It might have been the seed that started forcing me to choose myself over him. I really don't regret that choice, though, despite all the ranting about lonliness in my previous post.

Today that little gym has grown. Last year we moved out of the basement and into a storage facility that's about 3 times bigger and now even that's getting crowded. Classes have gone from 3 people to 13. And I've gotten better, too. My diet's changed (that might be a separate post), I'm a ton stronger and faster. I can move 120lbs from the floor to over my head. I can get almost 300 off the ground. I'm able to run longer and faster. I can do some WODs as they're "prescribed." There are still a lot of things I can't do fully yet- I still use a band for pullups and I can't do a handstand on my own, but even that stuff is getting better. And while I'm still not seeing the vanity perks of this, the fact that I'm proving 29 years of negative thinking wrong is something to hold onto.

I quit this bitch.

It's been brought to my attention that people are more likely to read your blog if you write stuff. Sorry, dudes. I tried to do a post about kittens on youtube, but it won't let me post videos.




I've been trying to write something on here that doesn't make me sound like a Smiths song, but to be honest, my life has been about 98% suck lately. Don't get me wrong, there have been some highlights- an awesome weekend in Chestertown was able to work its magic for a while, and kick ass cupcakes were cool. And work isn't unbearably awful or anything. But something needs to change. Like, now before I lose my shit.

First of all, I'm learning that I suck at being alone and this is really surprising to me. I always loved my alone time. I wasn't the most social growing up and every roomate I've ever had has gotten on my nerves. I love not having to deal with all the roomate problems and I wouldn't go back to that, but this is hard. I've also never had a problem going out alone or eating in the dining hall by myself, but going to one of the 3 bars right across the street from me on my own is now a paralyzing fear. I've tried a few book club type groups, and the CrossFit gang is always there, but nothing's getting rid of the lonlies.

Speaking of CrossFit, I've been kicking some ass in the workout department. One of my aweosme trainers has been helping me with correcting my diet and I've been doing a good job with it- it's becoming habit. And while I increased strength, can run longer and faster, and can do more pullups and pushups, I haven't lost a damn pound. This is not a plateau. This is not halfassed whining that this is hard. I've been working my ass off. I'm not doing anything wrong, no inordinant amount of cheating and trying to make up for it later. It's all been legit. And nothing's happening. I've been ok and trying to keep positive because my workouts were awesome until last night. Last night was terrible. I had to go down in weight, my form was terrible, some guy that's only been there a week was running circles around me and I had the slowest time. I made an appointment to have my thyroid looked at, but doctors never listen to me, so I don't have the greatest hopes of that playing out well.

Don't even get me started on dating. I had to tap out of that game for a bit.

It may seem like petty things, but they're big for me. I'm really making an effort to turn myself around nothing is budging for me. I've done all the hard things- I got out of a toxic relationship, I put myself out there for help with the things I can't figure out on my own, I made decisions that were for the best and not because they were easy or just simply what I wanted. I laugh off all the small things like falling down in a puddle of mud an hour before a meeting and having to go around with the most godawful hickey on my neck that I got before I was told that I'm "too nice." And I think I've done it all with finesse. I've been good- more than good. I've been downing shit sandwiches like it's my part time job and with little complaint up until now. When are things gonna go my fucking way!?

Is it too soon to bring out the soap box?

I love that my friends post articles on facebook. It gives a good insight as to what's a priority to them, their thought processes, and what's considered entertainment for them.This one comes courtesy of my friend, Jessie. If you don't have the time, it references a Self Magazine cover on which Kelly Clarkson is airbrushed to within an inch of her life and the horrifying blog post from the editor in response to it ("Did we alter her appearance? Only to make her look her personal best" is a direct quote.)

Now, I don't want to go down a common road and use this post to whine about how unfair it all is and how Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 and all that. So I'm not going to rail against Anna Wintour, Karl Lagerfeld, Hollywood Producers and Keira Knightley for continuing to make "normal" girls feel like crap. What I want to do ask why this happens. It seems to me that the issue is much deeper than this.

A few years ago I was shopping for a dress online. The site boasted "real clothes for real women" while having your size 0 women model them. I wrote an angry and kind of snarky letter in the Contact Us section, not really expecting anything but feeling I did my part.

I did get a response. It was polite and regretful and full of marketing jargon and pie charts. Basically, it said that they used to have actual plus sized women model (usually a size 14, just under what's termed "plus" but more real than a 0), but when they switched to smaller model types, their sales went up 40%. Even the target demographic for "real clothes for real women" responded better to a size 0 than a size 14. We can't pin that on the fashion industry or advertising execs. The magazine tried to adhere to our ideals, but we neglected them for it.

We don't want to look at a pair of jeans and see an accurate depiction of how we would look in them. We want to look at what we want to be. As angry as that magazine cover makes me, how much better or worse would Self Magazine sell if a cute Kelly Clarkson was on the cover without being airbrushed down 3 sizes? My guess is it wouldn't sell as much. I'm sorry, but I really can't blame a magazine for doing this if they'd all fail for listening to our idealistic rants and campaigns for real beauty. Isn't it misplacing blame or deflecting a much deeper problem? What is the deeper problem? Is it something chemical in us? Genetic makeup? Do we blame our mothers? The history of oppression against women?

We want to be supportive of the "normal" woman and embrace our curves, freckles, height challenges, and any imperfections as a generalization; but we're scared shitless of ourselves. I'll celebrate you being less than perfect, but I settle for nothing less in myself. Why is that? Am I wrong?

Since deciding to switch to a more healthy lifestyle a little over 18 months ago, I've been noticing this other side to body issues more and more. I get asked why I'm making that sudden change. I tell them about how I felt out of control, weak willed, and scared to death of all the diseases that come with being overweight. These are my motivations. Most would still assume it's to get a man or to get myself in prime baby making condition. But I was already in a committed relationship when I started. And while I don't want to be dangerously unhealthy, I honestly have no desire to lose my boobs or hips or to be a size 8. Regardless of my size I will love my curly hair and I love having full lips. I will always be a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Of course I have a ton of insecurities- my glasses, my pores, my stomach to name a few. But it's not magazine covers that make me feel down on myself for them, it's other women and, ultimately, myself. Why do we do this to ourselves and each other? Or am I off base? Let me know what you think.